Avoid unsolicited advice such as, “You just need to do X.” Make a proposal instead.Īdmonishments. BIFF RESPONSE EXAMPLES HOW TOAre you telling the other person what to do, how to behave, or how to feel? If so, you can expect a defensive reaction and more email/texts. Rule #2 Leave out the 3 A’s – These are important things to avoid in your response:Īdvice. Do not become hostile yourself in any way stay above that. And remember you should not reply to or comment on jabs at you, or use them as an excuse to make jabs yourself at the other person. Don’t take the bait when the next re-worded email with the same demand comes along. Further demands to discuss the same matter are not valid and need no reply, or a shorter version – one time – of what you said last time. Additionally, a decision needed for a concrete issue is only valid if it’s new. Saying everybody is mad at you/blaming you is not valid. Asking what time to pick up a child is valid. An accusation that you never communicate is invalid. A decision on an appointment time is valid. Look for valid matters and ignore the jabs. Then read the email/ text with a critical eye: Is there anything that really requires a reply? (A deadline, an appointment, a parent teacher conference, a needed decision). Rule #1 is always to ask – “Do I need to reply to this at all?” End the conversation close the door to further argument or give 2 choices and a deadline for the requested response. Sometimes, you will need a response from the other person, so just ask a question seeking a Yes or No answer by such-and-such time and/or date. Say something that calmly ends the conversation. Just avoid anything that opens the door to receiving more hostile comments in return. It also shows that you have good self-restraint.įirm – This means that you end the conversation rather than feeding the hostilities. This helps keep the hostilities from escalating. Just a friendly greeting and closing nothing too involved. But this avoids feeding the hostilities and may even calm an upset person. This may seem hard to do when you’re being attacked in writing or verbally. Just stay focused on providing relevant information.įriendly – Include a friendly greeting have empathy for their concerns close with a positive statement. It’s about their inability to manage their emotions and responses. You don’t need to defend yourself when another person is being hostile. Give straight information, rather than emotions, opinions, defenses or arguments. Informative – Focus on straight information. Long explanations, defensiveness and arguments perpetuate more angry responses. This leaves much less for the other person to react to and is often sufficient to get your main point across. This is even when the comment you’re responding to goes on and on for many paragraphs or pages. Keep it short, typically a paragraph at most. Response is a way to respond that usually puts a stop to the hostilities while leaving you feeling calm and good about yourself.īrief – Keep it brief. stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. How should you respond to hostile communication? Ignore them, react in an equally hostile manner or is there a completely different option for responding? What if there is a way to respond that can calm the angry person who sent the message, give you more respect, end the angry conversation, and doesn’t increase the conflict? They often occur between exes in high conflict divorce. This can occur under any circumstances including but not limited to personal relationships, at work, with co-workers, with neighbors, with family members, with customer service personnel or even strangers. Hostile comments can show up anywhere, including in emails, letters, on Facebook, comments to internet articles, and in-person.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |